Thursday, 16 July 2009

The Fear of Success

I've just spent a while looking for the name of the phobia of success for the title to this blog. I couldn't find it, though I did learn that there was such a thing as a fear of corners.

Anyway, sometimes I think I have it or at least part of me does. Last weekend, I was approaching the end of the latest narrative restructuring of Part Two. What would follow would be printing out Part Two in its entirety and filling in all the little missing details that would turn a sketch into a picture.

But, as I approached the final scenes that needed fixing, my mind began to turn to mush. Words and inspiration stopped coming and though I knew what I needed to do, it simply wouldn’t take the step from my head to the page. It's like being so excited or intimidated by the oncoming next stage that my mind's hand started to shake, my mind’s eye began to blur. So, I had to stop and go back to some earlier stuff that I knew needed fixing, hoping that when I go back to the end I'll be in a calmer, more productive state.

There is little else to report. Magazines have yet to respond to / publish my work and life, as ever, is ticking along nicely, supplying me with what I need but keeping back many things that I want, which, in it's own way, is the sweetest life gets sometimes. It’s more potential than past.

Thanks for reading.